Disguised
by HopeForHyrule
Summary: Just tell her goodnight. Let her have one more night of peace before you tear it all away. Kyo muses on his last night of freedom. Somewhat Kyo x Tohru implications.


**Author's Notes**: I don't own Fruits Basket, that much should be obvious. This little diddy popped into my head and I had to write it. I guess I was just in an angsty mood, and I absolutely suck at writing fanfics from anime/manga, so...bear with me.

Bags packed? Check. No one will be expecting me for a few more hours, so I have some time to kill. I could leave later, but what then? Watch everyone watching me walk to my proverbial death? No, thanks. That damn rat would get too much pleasure from that. Shigure's theatrical sobs? Double no. Tohru's eyes following me, probably insisting on speaking to Akito on my behalf. Out of everyone, Tohru's the one person I can't deal with. She can't know. Shigure and Yuki, sure. They know I'm leaving. They also know not to mention a thing to Tohru. She can't get involved. Not anymore.

I'm a coward. I am such a coward. The proof is in my hand. A letter. I can't actually tell her; I have to write her a damn letter. But it's the best I can do. It can't even contain any truths. She won't know where I'm actually going. She'll believe I've just gone away to escape my past, running like I always do. No whispered promises of love.

How could I do that to her? Yuki told me once to be careful with Tohru's heart. I finally am. Tell her how I really feel and then leave her? No.

Leaving my lone bag by the door, I quietly make my way to her bedroom. Sometimes it pays to have the stealth of the cat within me. The last thing I need is to wake anyone. A few stolen moments with her, that's all I ask.

I just need to tell her goodbye, even if she doesn't know.

Quietly stepping inside, I see her small form curled up in her bed. Good. I was hoping she'd be asleep. Creeping up to her bedside, I watch her for a moment. Just watch her. It's nice seeing her like this. Just being Tohru without worrying about everyone else like some mother hen. Always the selfless one, aren't you? These few hours are probably the only peace you allow yourself. Well, don't worry. Soon enough you'll have one less person to worry about, so you better give yourself some more personal time.

It's a risk, but I have to touch her. Just one last time. Brushing her hair from her face, my hand lingers just a little too long. So delicate and yet so strong. You never gave up, did you? Would you still be fighting if you were in my place? Probably. I can say a lot of things about you, but quitter is not one of them.

You're so much stronger than me. Please, do me one last favor. Live. Laugh. Love. Do everything you've always wanted to do. Do it for yourself, and...do it for me. I need to know one of us is living.

Placing a kiss to her forehead, I pull away, leaving the letter in my place.

Akito was right. I'm a monster. It's better off this way, for both of us. I'll have my memories to calm me until my last breath, and she'll go on. She'll live for me. She's never let me down yet; I doubt she'd start now.

As I turn away, I feel something on my arm. Looking back, I see Tohru's soft eyes on me, her hand gripped around me.

"Kyo...?" Her voice engulfs me. Surrounds me. Intoxicating, that's what she is to me.

"You should sleep. You look exhausted. You know Shigure will want breakfast bright and early tomorrow." The excuses just keep pouring out of my mouth. I couldn't stop. If I focused on anything else, on the way she seems to drink me in, how her touch warms me, anything at all and I know I'll tell her everything. I'll tell her for many reasons. In the foolish hope that she'll return my feelings. Praying that she'll beg for me to stay. Tell me to run away together.

Please don't question me, Tohru. I'm not strong enough.

"Is something wrong, Kyo?" Those pleading eyes, begging me to tell her the truth. We've come so far. You've been my constant. There's been so little I could count on in my life, but you've been one of the very few exceptions. No matter how hard I was on you, you never faltered. That in itself is amazing. You are amazing.

Innocent. Pure. That's my Tohru. But then I can never tell you that. My Tohru. That's who you are in my mind, in my heart. You will never know. You deserve so much. You deserve someone that can actually hold you, love you completely.

Someone who won't be gone in the morning.

"Nah. Just couldn't sleep." Even she wouldn't fall for something that is so blatantly a lie, but she won't question it. She doesn't push me. So kind and patient. "Sorry I woke you." Not a lie, but not the truth, either.

"It's okay. Sometimes I would sneak into Mom's room in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep or had a bad dream. Sometimes simple things like that can make everything better." So much pain in such a short time. Yet here you are, obviously in pain and you smile. You smile for the memories. That's what you've taught me to do. I'll smile. I'll be in pain, and I'll smile.

I'll remember you.

"I guess so. I wouldn't really know." I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice, but it was in vain.

"Oh, I -- I didn't mean to..." God, Tohru, please don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you.

"It's fine." I shrug and start pacing around the room. Make her think you're angry. Make her think nothing's changed.

"Kyo...come here." I freeze in mid-pace, but I make no move towards her. "Please?" That does it. I sit myself on the edge of her bed. I can't get too close to her. I'll never leave if I do.

"Okay. Now...lay down." She lowers herself back into bed, and I follow like a puppet on a string. Then she takes each of my hands in her own, entwining our fingers. "Sometimes all you need is to know that someone cares. Mom always used to tell me that." Her eyes flutter closed at that. Tohru is never so foward. Why now? I suppose it'll just be one more question that will go unasked.

"Tohru?" I'm not even sure what I'm about to say, but there's little I can do to stop it now.

"Hm?" I could tell she was half-asleep already. So adorable. So trusting. She knows of the monster within the man, but she doesn't care. She accepts me, all of me.

"I..." No. I can't tell her. I love you so damn much, you know that? No, I guess you don't. "Goodnight, Tohru." I watch the sleepy smile form on her face. I wait a few more minutes while she sinks into a deep slumber. I can't risk waking her again.

Once I'm sure she's fast asleep, I gently pull out of her grasp and get out of bed. If only I could stay the night, here with you. But if I don't leave now, I never will. You see what you do to me?

Pausing at the head of the bed, I place a quick, chaste kiss on her lips. I want to take so much with me. So many memories. So much more than I deserve to have.

"I love you. Sweet dreams." I whisper against her ear before I finally pull free from her thrall and exit the room, leave the house and the little piece of a life I managed to scrape together.

Akito wants to break me, then fine. He's already succeeded. The concrete prison is nothing compared to what I just had to endure. I'll welcome the whips and chains after that. And Akito better make damn sure to leave Tohru alone after this. She's suffered so much already. I'm getting locked away; it's what everyone wants. Don't cause her any more pain.

Daylight now. Almost there. I can see the gates of the estate on the horizon. I actually pick up my pace. Jogging now. A few more minutes, and I'll be at the gate. What then? Immediately go to my imprisonment? Probably.

The guard isn't at his post. I let myself in. I immediately find Akito's quarters. Sitting in front of the window.

"I guess I'm early." I can't leave the snideness out of my voice. I hate Akito. That damn bet was never going to work out in my favor. Everyone knew it but me! Damn you, Akito. Damn you and that smug grin of yours.

"My cat has come home at last. And here I thought I'd have to send for you, but you came to me all on your own." A hand reachd out for me, a mockingly gently caress turned brutal by the nails digging into my flesh. "Shall I show you to your room?" We walk. Nothing is said. What could anyone say at a time like this? We come to a concrete building. Rather small in size and of course, isolated. I walk in. What else is there to do? I hear the door slam and lock behind me. It doesn't matter at this point.

"I'm sure you're exhausted. The weather has been terrible lately. All this rain." Akito's voice rings out, laced with deadly saccharine. "Goodnight." And with that, I am left alone.

It was only a matter of time. I was never meant to be truly accepted. To be loved. Leave that for those deserving.

Everyone's story ends. This is the end to mine. I will not be mourned. My name will soon be forgotten.

I am the cat of the Zodiac, hated and feared. I am Kyo Sohma, forgotten and dismissed.


End file.
